Makes me wonder...

Yesterday I felt old - sitting around the table with friends who were born when I was already in high school. I could have been their babysitter. They could have been one of those wild 3-year-olds I taught in Sunday School when I was a college student. They mentioned someone at school and said "He's really old...he's like, 25." Ouch! Today I felt even older. Partly because I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and mostly because today was my birthday. Felt like I was moving through life at slow-motion this morning, at least until my little girl surprised me with one of the best birthday notes I've ever received. It read, "Dear Mom, I can't believe that you are turning 38! You are growing up so fast! I love you!"

Echoing exactly what she hears from me, from her dad, from grandparents and friends...because she, and her twin brother, really are growing up quickly. A friend once told me when my children were little, "The days seem to last forever, but the years will go by in a heartbeat." It's true - of raising kids, and of life in general. I turned 38 today...and asked God into my life when I was 5 years old. What do I have to show Him for the last 23 years of living? Not nearly enough, I know...all I can do is keep praying for His patience and guidance, that I would continue to grow and to change and to become more like Him, more of who He wants me to be.

I think of my life in terms of how it compares to my mom's life. At 37, she was diagnosed with late-stage colon cancer. At 38, the age I am now, she was still fighting cancer and going through a separation from her husband, trying to raise two kids. At 39, God took her home. She went through some terrible "surprises" during these years - but God was faithful, and He rescued her from her suffering. I didn't see it quite like that for many years...all I knew was that she was gone, that I had prayed for God to save her, and He didn't...but I couldn't be angry with Him. He was all I had to hold on to. I am so thankful to God for His continued surprises in my life - sometimes good, sometimes not so good, sometimes just the surprise of letting me look at things differently than before.

Emily's birthday letter makes me wonder...if an 8-year-old thinks I'm "growing up so fast," I guess that means God isn't finished with me yet. I've got more "growing" to do, and I know God will keep me safe in His hands on the journey, wherever it may lead. Grateful to the good friends who celebrated "birthday" with Steve & I tonight...lots of laughter, a few questionable stories, good food, great coffee, and two very sweet kids to come home to at the end of the night. As Robert Browning once said, "God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world."

Above & Beyond

No idea what day of the "Surprise Me God" experiment I'm really on...day 21? 28? Doesn't really matter, just enjoying this time of seeing how God continues to surprise me throughout the course of my day (or night). Today was a busy day, and we were having company for dinner. They were coming at 6:30. At 6:30, I thought, "God, please surprise me by having these guys be about 10 minutes late -- there's no way I'll be ready if they get here right now." All kinds of little last-minute "busy-ness" going on at our house, prepping for dinner, getting kids out the door to basketball practice, dog eating her supper (and by eating, I mean throwing her food all over the floor), you name it.

Can't say I was too surprised when the doorbell did ring, 10 minutes later (thanks, God, for the extra time!) but I was very surprised to see our company walk in the door with a bouquet of flowers. These are four of the most awesome, fabulous young men I've ever known...and not just because they brought me roses. Steve & I truly enjoy their company, are glad to be able to give them a home-cooked meal, and always have a great time when these college guys are around. I'm thankful that they're willing to put up with "dinosaurs" like us - their stories are hysterically funny, their hearts belong to the Lord and they brighten my day up whenever they're around. God surprised me with His timing, His children, His gift of laughter and fellowship.

At the end of the day, He surprised me with alternating joy and frustration as I stayed up way too late, trying to finish a project on the computer. YES! It looks great, should be exactly what they asked for. NO! Not working right. YES! Should work this time. NO! Not working at all. It's now 2:00 in the morning. Guess hanging out with college students made me think I could handle late nights again. However, knowing that the alarm is going off in 3 1/2 hours is not going to be the kind of "surprise" I look forward to. Goodnight, and thanks, guys, for a great evening.