Makes me wonder...

Yesterday I felt old - sitting around the table with friends who were born when I was already in high school. I could have been their babysitter. They could have been one of those wild 3-year-olds I taught in Sunday School when I was a college student. They mentioned someone at school and said "He's really old...he's like, 25." Ouch! Today I felt even older. Partly because I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and mostly because today was my birthday. Felt like I was moving through life at slow-motion this morning, at least until my little girl surprised me with one of the best birthday notes I've ever received. It read, "Dear Mom, I can't believe that you are turning 38! You are growing up so fast! I love you!"

Echoing exactly what she hears from me, from her dad, from grandparents and friends...because she, and her twin brother, really are growing up quickly. A friend once told me when my children were little, "The days seem to last forever, but the years will go by in a heartbeat." It's true - of raising kids, and of life in general. I turned 38 today...and asked God into my life when I was 5 years old. What do I have to show Him for the last 23 years of living? Not nearly enough, I know...all I can do is keep praying for His patience and guidance, that I would continue to grow and to change and to become more like Him, more of who He wants me to be.

I think of my life in terms of how it compares to my mom's life. At 37, she was diagnosed with late-stage colon cancer. At 38, the age I am now, she was still fighting cancer and going through a separation from her husband, trying to raise two kids. At 39, God took her home. She went through some terrible "surprises" during these years - but God was faithful, and He rescued her from her suffering. I didn't see it quite like that for many years...all I knew was that she was gone, that I had prayed for God to save her, and He didn't...but I couldn't be angry with Him. He was all I had to hold on to. I am so thankful to God for His continued surprises in my life - sometimes good, sometimes not so good, sometimes just the surprise of letting me look at things differently than before.

Emily's birthday letter makes me wonder...if an 8-year-old thinks I'm "growing up so fast," I guess that means God isn't finished with me yet. I've got more "growing" to do, and I know God will keep me safe in His hands on the journey, wherever it may lead. Grateful to the good friends who celebrated "birthday" with Steve & I tonight...lots of laughter, a few questionable stories, good food, great coffee, and two very sweet kids to come home to at the end of the night. As Robert Browning once said, "God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world."